My heart aches

It's been a crazy couple months. It seems like every time I turn around, there is another funeral or death someone tells me about and for individuals that I never expected to hear about.

Our friends the Johnson's baby passed away of cancer at 3 months old - 3 months!
My friend's mom (who is close the same age as my own mom - that's a couple posts down) passed away this week of Cancer as well.
A family in another ward, lost their baby (almost 2 year old) - she was left asleep in the car after church and died because the cars here get over 120 degrees when left in the sun.
Another friend had a miscarriage and was along the same due date as us. She was able to go to Switzerland to visit her parents, but my heart still hurts for her and the loss of their baby.
This was last year, but my friend/neighbor - her mom passed away too and her mother-in-law got in a SERIOUS motorcycle accident a couple weeks ago - the man she was riding with probably saved her life and died before he made it to the hospital. She is doing miraculously well.
And Sunday since I'm now in Primary - thought it was odd there was a sign up for a family in our ward for meals and babysitting, but no announcement of a new baby due any day. Come to find out later, the baby was stillborn and delivered Monday morning 8lbs 1oz, 21 inches long - a little boy. She was due in a couple days. I can't imagine how that must feel to carry that baby for so long and never be able to keep them - only memories.

When I was 8 months pregnant with Lea, my sister-in-law and brother had a baby girl Riley who only lived for a few hours. It was heart-breaking to go to the funeral and know that my baby was fine and they couldn't have their's with them. Especially because they had lost Stuart at 3 months old a year or so before. I felt guilty and maybe that's selfish to think of myself, but I really wanted my brother to have his daughter. I struggled off/on with being able to have a healthy happy child and to watch my brother and sister-in-law deal with another loss of a baby. Just didn't seem fair, for either of us. The one thing I remember that day aside from having to lead the singing, was something my brother told me. He said something like this (it's been 7 years, so I don't have it exactly) "It'll be okay. Heavenly Father had to go through the same pain of watching His son suffer and die, He knows my pain - how could I ask Him to take it away when He knows all that I feel." It was touching and enlightening.

Now I only have 3 weeks to go and I'm starting to get nervous about a lot of things, but mostly just praying to make it through the surgery without freaking out completely and to have a healthy baby. And there's a reason I don't tell anyone when we're expecting because I don't want to have to tell everyone we aren't if something were to happen during the pregnancy. So I hide it as long as I can - at this point it's too late because we're almost done, but it's for my emotional frame of mind that I keep it to myself and Jeff.

My mom won't be here because they're still on their mission in Norway until February, but I'm grateful to have sisters, mother-in-law and nieces who will be able to come help out.

I'm not sure if I'd be able to handle these (and although none have happened to me directly), situations if I didn't have the knowledge of eternal families, that these babies will be reunited with their parents and raised in righteousness. They'll be perfect and they are free from whatever pains they would have had to endure on this earth. While we are sad and wishful they could still be with us, there is great rejoicing in Heaven when these individuals meet up with their family members who are already in the Spirit world. I love you all dearly (even those who read and never comment, I believe that's called stealth reading. :)), but since I know most are family, I'm thankful for a support system. I'd be lost without a family and my "family" away from family.