Scene from the movies

You know the part in a movie when 2 people are saying good-bye and one is walking across the street, then turns back for one last glance and out of nowhere.......BAM. Bus. Person in the street is wiped clean from the scene.

I had one of those days recently - it was awful. Here I was walking along in my life thinking everything was hunky dory and BAM - except no bus, it was a MAC truck. What I thought I had been doing for the past few years and most recently months (things I thought were helping and 'doing the right thing'), was not. 

The saying 'Ignorance is Bliss' comes to mind. Well, ignorance is NOT bliss.

IGNORANCE IS BLIND.

I was ignorant to my surroundings and ignorant to the fact that I was trying too hard to do it all - do it all by myself. I didn't need help and what I was trying to do by 'helping', was not help at all. I had single-handedly, alienated myself from my spouse. I had convinced myself that 'just doing it myself' was easier than waiting around because he was 'too busy' with work and church, I'd just take care of it. In the process, I was exhausting myself and saving nothing but harsh words for our kids and spouse.

I assume that everything will be back to 'normal' the next day - all is forgiven, all is forgotten, all is still here where I left it the day before. What I wasn't doing was appreciating those around me. I took for granted - for a very long time that my family, my home, my everything would still be there tomorrow. That if I just did what was minimally expected of me, then we'd all survive another day. We wouldn't thrive or get better, we'd just survive.

The day after the MAC truck, I felt empty, like a lump of coal resided where my heart/soul used to be. I was in a fog, and even the 9, 1-5 year olds didn't bring me out of it. I was lost, then I lost it (even more) with my 8 year old when she refused to tell her brother she was sorry for treating him poorly on the school bus.......what was my excuse?? I didn't have one, but at least I had done something that day - something more than feel that empty part of me, even if I did fill it with unwarranted rage.

So as I read other blogs about their 'word' for the year, mine came to me one still quiet moment:

CHERISH.

Cherish everything for what if tomorrow it's all gone?? Cherish my spouse - he works hard for us, but is never too busy for us, for me. He commented that he still hasn't figured me out. Another answer came: a cousin's spouse posted this link on facebook. 5 Love Languages 

We all thrive differently and maybe we should be wearing signs that tell others how to properly treat us: Mine would say: "Handle with care - fragile self esteem. Can be easily built up with a simple: job, well done."

So my word is this: CHERISH. Cherish my children - not every day is perfect, I don't expect it to be. I'm not perfect. Tell them I love them, I'm proud of them, I want them to be happy. I promise to be better tomorrow.

Cherish my spouse: I love him; I need him; I want him by my side, in the trenches with me on a daily basis - forever. I promise to be better tomorrow.

Cherish my friends: for some day I will have to move and start all over. Or they'll move first.

Cherish my parents, siblings, in-laws, nieces, nephews, grandparents, for tomorrow may be their last or mine. Never let a loved one out the door without telling them you love them.

Cherish the stranger on the street - I don't know their life, I don't know their struggles, but it's not my job to judge them. It's my job to give them a kind smile and try to see them how God does. That's my job with everyone I know - treat them how God would want me to treat them, treat them how I wanted to be treated. To be appreciated, to be wanted, and to be loved.

Cherish the Savior - I took for granted He'd be there too. He is, but I have to actually ask, to pray and another answer came: 

“God is eagerly waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as he always has. But he can't if you don't pray, and he can't if you don't dream. In short, he can't if you don't believe.”

― Jeffrey R. Holland

Cherish.